A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
by SapphireMind
Summary: After Born to Run, Sarah thinks, including wondering what the hell her son was thinking when he sent Cameron back in the first place.


AN: Just was watching T2 tonight and plot bunny ensued. I wanted to show basically how screwed up John is when it comes to terminators, at least from some POVs.

Obviously, I do not own anything terminator related, I do not wish to divert any monies from their rightful copyright holders, I'm just increasing the enjoyment of their material (therefore making their copyright more valuable) At least that's what I tell myself.

O o o o o o o o o o O

Sarah stood there with Ellison, feeling hollowed out inside. She should have known this was coming. She should have been better prepared. Obviously she couldn't have known about the time jump, but she knew how John felt about machines in general. He viewed them as _people_, capable of good and bad.

Ellison pulled on her arm and muttered, "We have to get out of here." She acquiesced and followed him out of the ruins of the basement. As she ran, she allowed her mind to wander.

When Uncle Bob had arrived, she even saw the possibilities then. That he would be a better father than anyone she could choose: someone who would always protect him and watch over him and never hurt him. Sarah remembered how John cried as they destroyed Uncle Bob. Despite the short time that he was around, he really was John's father in many ways, and he had to watch him die.

And then there was Cameron. Cameron frustrated her so much because of John's attachment to her; it was disturbing. But, in another way, it was predictable. It was a woman who wouldn't betray him, would never leave him and Sarah had begun to have a niggling worry that the machine was capable of some approximation of human emotion.

Seeing her deactivated, dead, must have sent John back to that time in the steel mill. If he could have done something to save Uncle Bob, she thinks he just may have done it, even if it meant risking his own life. And he was so much more attached to Cameron. She cursed her son in the future as they arrived at a dingy motel and Ellison used a key to let them in. He had to have known what sort of effect Cameron would have on a teenage boy.

"Sarah, are you alright?" Ellison's voice resonated in her ears, but it seemed far away. She ran to the bathroom to throw up as her mind finally put everything together.

John in the future did know that Cameron would affect John now. He wanted it that way. He wanted her to be with him for longer. She began dry-heaving, nothing left in her stomach, as Ellison watched from behind her with concern.

"They were supposed to be together. God, how could I have been so stupid?" She rested her head against the cold porcelain of the toilet.

"Who? John and Weaver?" Ellison asked, puzzled.

She sighed, shaking her head lightly. "No, John and Cameron."

"What do you mean?" Ellison sat on the floor, getting down on her level.

Sarah leaned back, her back resting on the tub. "My kid is so screwed up. He sent back a machine to be his partner." Ellison gave her a questioning look at her phrasing, and she looked away in shame.

"Oh." It was a small word with so much meaning, holding understanding, disgust, curiosity and resignation all at the same time.

"All of this has been for nothing. It all changed him too much." Her head was down, regarding the floor.

"Well, not necessarily." Sarah looked up abruptly at Ellison's response. "I mean, it is kind of logical in some ways." He had a hard time keeping the expression of disgust off his face as he spoke. "But maybe this is how we win the war."

"Excuse me?" Sarah's voice was openly hostile to this concept.

"Weaver. She's a machine. She protected John back there. But other machines are still trying to kill him. You said this machine became self-aware and these are sentient robots. Well, theoretically, couldn't some of them choose to be on John's side?"

"But John is supposed to _kill_ all the machines," Sarah retorted.

"Maybe that's the point. Maybe he's not supposed to want that. Maybe the reason humanity wins is because he doesn't want to kill them all. If they want to coexist in peace, then it would be wrong to kill them." Ellison was trying his best to fit the new information into his worldview.

Sarah stood up, rinsing out her mouth with water. "That's insane to contemplate." But it wasn't on some level. She had taught John to hate and fear machines, and he did, almost as much as she did. But he also loved them, as she saw with Uncle Bob and possibly Cameron.

"All of this is pretty insane if you start thinking about it too much." Ellison remarked dryly. He stood up after another moment. "You stay here, I have to go pick up Savannah from school."

Ellison left, leaving Sarah alone with her thoughts and guilt.


End file.
